Thursday, January 10, 2008
happy people don't
always have
perfect lives.
it works some ways:
1) they don't harp very much on
perfection
2) they don't contemplate
the qualities of their existence
3) they make do with anything.

pathetically,
i am none of these.
i do not have a perfect life,
i like the idea of
perfection and i put together,
i ponder excessively and needlessly
about bullcrap,
and i am unable to make do.
THEREFORE
i am
not particularly happy.

i.e.
i am not unhappy per se,
just,
not particularly happy.

this is even if
life's not britney-messedup and
i count my share of blessings.

of course,
this should have
something to do with
my lapses in character.

this is why:
my mind has been conditioned
to run
on worse-case scenarios.
i expect them but
thing is,
i like to be Really Good.

i really wish there were
something that matters that
i am just sickeningly and
blatantly awesome at.
just ONE DAMN THING.

see
there is this
whole long list of things
i am grossly hopeless at,
another fair share of things
that i try in vain not to suck at,
and
a couple of other
not particularly meaningful
things that
i am just,
not terrible at.

that's about it.

its like if i died and they
had to put some words
in my orbituary,
it would just be this awkward
"...." or "ERM.."
or something.

worse,
being 20 kinda automatically
takes away your eligibility
to use the absurb reasoning
of life being unfair.

anyway i have no business
judging life.
'unfair' is just so..conclusive,
and not up to me to decide.
i know i say
life is sad, life is hard alot.
what i really mean is,
(my) life is sad, (my) life is hard.
i can't even really mean it.
i just thought that if i could
make things sound majorly terrible,
maybe i would realise the
insignificance of the real issue.

quite simply
i have completely used up
all my tokens on blaming.
i guess today is the time
to blame myself
for my flawed working attitude,
for incorporating all the clutter in my mind
into my bag, my desk, my tutorials,
my examination papers, my wadrobe,
and my ___________,
for my perpetual confusion,
for my flustered repetitive whining,
for my inability to execute any productive
solution plan beyond whining ETC ETC.

i am an inadequate human being.
so, like the Democrats,
i am proposing for Change in my life.

now i wish i were you,
maybe someday soon you will be
wishing you were me.


11:12 PM


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